Misled

At lunch on my favorite day - Lemon Bar Day, Thursday. It had been
seemingly weeks since my last lemon bar encounter.

And then a dilemma -

The End is Nigh

Hume to Russell over chili and salad: 

It's time for the semester to be over because I'm even irritated with YOUR students.

Students, you've been warned.

A Very Lemony Bar

Had the most lemony of lemon bars today. Still hungry after my meal, I went for a cup of coffee and a lemon bar. Hume also went for a cup of tea.

Lemon-spiked tea.

Coincidence? I wonder . . .

Lemon Bar Update

BULLETIN: Hume eats lemon bar, declares, "There is no lemon here."

Live Lemon News

BULLETIN: The depth of the lemon bar this week vastly exceeds any
other week. Details to follow.

Roofs and Discs

Johnson and I ate a quick lunch at TFC. Hume suspiciously absent, no doubt recovering from her Left Coast visit. I had the veggie lunch: rosemary potatoes (kinda chewy), carrots (nicely done), and green beans (no real taste at all, but they were green).

Discussion of legal and financial and ethical and criminal strategies involving certain individuals not of the Athens area, with no real solution reached. Also discussed roofs. And did higher level math, figuring out what a bejillion megs of digital photographs would look like if you stuck 'em on 5.25-inch discs and stacked them into what turns out to be (if our math was right) something like 900 feet high. Checked office later for said type of disc for a later show-and-tell. No luck.

From the mouths of babes...

Despite the tragedy that befell Johnson on Thursday, the Eatery did provide its patrons with lemon bars on Friday.

My daughter, who is almost 4, made her first (and last?) visit to the Faculty Center on Friday. After much deliberation, she chose macaroni and cheese, black-eyed peas, and a lemon bar for lunch. After she pretty much cleaned her plate, we turned to the great lemon experiment. Hume and I, being scholars, probed her reaction to the lemonicity of said bars. Her response:

"Where is the lemon in this?"

Stunned Silence

I suppose it is entirely possible that the last entry demoralized all of us so badly that we have sulked off into silent corners. Which, to be honest, is pretty much true ... 

But the final insult happened on Thursday, the one insult that could make me not lament the loss of The Eatery, the one that could let its demise come to be without a single protest.

It was Thursday, and there were no lemon bars. Not. A. One.

I suffered through the cherry pie which, to be fully honest, may have had a higher level of lemonicity than some of the lemon bars of the past.

Criminal, border line criminal.

BREAKING NEWS: FACULTY EATERY TO CLOSE

An inside source with knowledge of the University of Georgia Food Services empire has confirmed that the Faculty Eatery will close around June 1, 2009. The source said the closing was due to multiple reasons, including persistent financial losses and health code issues. 

The replacement space will be on the fourth floor of the new Tate II center, scheduled to open in 2009. The new eatery will forego the oak paneling and cathedral ceilings in favor of an open floor space. 

The third floor of Tate II will also feature a food court, complete with a Barberitos and an Inoko Express-like stand. 

Fears are already spreading that this will hasten the retirement of Prof. Conrad Fink.

Meeting 1, Lemon 0

Today's lemon bars may be the best I've had at TFC. Perfectly baked, good texture, hint of lemon. Maybe I was just hungry and I have only one data point: no one else at my table had 'em. fyi, those present: Hume (veggies), Martin, and Russell (suspiciously similar sandwiches).

I followed this joy of lemonocity with a department meeting, which counteracts any dessert (or caffeine, for that matter).

Much discussion of Sarah Palin's speech, some Democratic gnashing of teeth. Or maybe the food was chewy.

B'day Lunch

Tempting though it was, instead of LatFC I had a birthday lunch of fish tacos and beer at Agua Linda. Excellent.

While the faculty center might possibly serve fish tacos (I shudder at the thought), the beer poses a problem. Apparently you can only have booze on campus if it's a football Saturday and you're not in the stadium, or if you're in the stadium but are so filthy rich you can afford a fancy skybox (the poor cannot be trusted with alcohol, but the rich can).

At Univ of Florida, at least when I was there, a pub in the middle of campus served beer and good sandwiches. Ate there often. No fish tacos though.

Sweetser probably knows if the Orange & Brew exists still.

An entertaining, mostly non-academic lunch with Acosta-Alzuru, Fink, Hollander and Hume (delayed by committee meeting, which is darn close to "delayed by death"). 

Lots of talk of apples. Preferred apples, heirloom apples, saving apples for later, the best age for apple trees and the heartbreak that an apple tree will put you through. (Fink, mostly, on that last one.)

Things we learned:

• Fink believes apple trees do best along treelines
  
• If a tree splits and the branches spike into the ground, they can root and continue to grow
  
• Apples are not grown in Venezuela, and all those imported are "red"
  
• Johnson prefers Empire apples, occasionally available at Publix now (which the author knew, being Johnson himself)
  
• Hollander ate some sort of small, sour green apples as a child (no comments, please)
  

Lemon bar update: I failed to comment on last week's lemon bar which was, perhaps, the finest lemon bar I have ever consumed at the faculty center. It had a nice, sponge-cake like consistency with wafting overtones of lemonicity. Far superior to the gelatinous creations we consumed last semester.

This weeks again had a decent consistency, though perhaps slightly more dense than last weeks, but had hidden pockets of lemon situated quite far from the edges. Some discussion on how they managed to center the lemonicity in a bar cut from a pan. 

Convention(al) Lunch

Large crowd today, the featured topic -- the Democratic National Convention. Much Obama love at the table, some discussion of Kennedy's appearance. And then came the role of women. Hollifield criticized the party's apparent insistence on a "shut mouth spouse wife" instead of letting a woman like Michelle Obama speak her mind.

I'm not capturing the full flavor of the vent, its colorful language and passion and hands tossed about in complete abandon. Shoulda had a video recorder.

Oh, an average day for food. Had rosemary potatoes and other stuff I no longer remember. Edible.

Of Iceless Water

Thus begins a new academic year for LatFC, a lunch without ice for drinks. Push and push the button. Sound, but no ice.

The water tastes kinda funny without ice, which begs the question: does ice mask a funky, kinda stale taste in the water, or does a lack of ice change the taste? The only way to answer this, experimental methodology fans, is to drink water without ice when ice is actually available. Updates coming soon in a top-tier peer-reviewed academic lunch journal.

Lunch today starred Department of Telecommunications Czarina Ann Hollifield, Department of Journalism Future Czarina Janice Hume, and newbie Kristen Smith, who teaches graphics in AD/PR and plagiarized my lunch of pasta, spinach, and a piece of pound cake. Discussion focused on students and instructors who plagiarize coursework and lunches, and the best penalties for both. Hollifield praises the university's formal process, I spoke up for a more informal, corporal punishment.

Ah, it's good to be back. But where the hell was Johnson?

Lemon: a new twist

Lemonocity takes a new twist: not lemon bars, but lemon on broccoli.

Lunch today with Russell, discussing home sales and tap dancing (though not at the same time ... but it's an idea!), got the lemon-sprinkled broccoli and a sausage-over-rice dish with a few onions and peppers tossed in for taste and color.

Skip 'em both.

The broccoli was pale because of the lemon, or the supposed lemon. Another Zen moment, but oddly not so Zen. The veggie tasted curiously fishy. That's the best way to describe it, that it tasted somehow fishy rather than lemony. Either that's what TFC was going for or somehow they dropped the broccoli in a fish tank and were able to get it out in time for cooking.

The sausage thing was okay. Tad greasy and bland, even with hot sauce, but edible.

Important Note: The post before this (below) was the 100th on the infamous Lunch At The Faculty Center blog. That's somehow important, I just haven't quite figured out how or why it's important. There should have been multimedia. Should have been fireworks. Ah well.

The Wrath of Con(rad)?

Hollander and I lunched at the old FC today. I didn't think it was still possible, but I was shocked. Not by Hollander's dismal assessment of the Athens real estate market, nor by the chicken supreme, which is just like it was last semester (possibly frozen since then?), but by the fact that the tables near the cash register are aligned differently.

Instead of being placed at a careful 45-degree angle, the tables are now parallel to the divider. This will completely change Fink's sight-line.

Western Meal

Late, from the other coast ... Lunch with Sweetser at Costa Azul on
Coronado Island.

Sat outside and had very nice enchiladas, probably the best Mexican
food of my four days in Southern California.

Very little talk about Grady and no relevant conversations about lemon
bars, aside from a mentioning of the vegan ones from Frick. Sweetser
refused to believe they were any good.

Walked around the downtown area for a while. Forgot to buy a book on
The Del again, second time I've done that in 14 years.

Sent from my iPhone

Gobble the Cobbler

Ate alone at TFC. Veggie day -- corn (canned), green beans (canned) and mashed potatoes (one prays not from a can). And apple cobbler.

With every bite of good cobbler, one should be prompted to ask: "How many sticks of butter died for this dessert?" Dairy must be present, butter must drip from every loving spoonful. TFC cobbler is light, not quite so buttery. Subtle, perhaps? Not a Zen moment, nothing like the nearly impossible hint of lemon one strains to find in lemon bars, usually with no success, but it does make you work.

I'm starting to believe desserts are what TFC does best.

Crabby

Grabbed a quick lunch at TFC, tried "Crabby Cakes" on a whim. Not the kind of crab cakes I'm used to, more of a casserole tasting vaguely of shellfish. There may have been actual crab in the mix but I doubt it. Could be they served vegan crab. Vegan, of course, is Latin for tastes kinda like real food. Or maybe it's Greek for tofu surprise. I've forgotten my classical languages.

As the husband of a Cajun I'm picky about seafood, so I won't eat the crabby cakes again.

Oh, favorite TFC seafood menu moment: cajun cod. They actually served this a few years ago. You don't find many cod in the Gulf or migrating up the bayou, so I was impressed they located so many that had lost their maps and swam to Louisiana. Dumb fish.

A New Level of Lemonicity

My plan was to avoid campus this week. Which was going fine, until I remembered I had to help set up the GSPA photo students on Monday. And then I had to go in to get something out of my cage for another faculty member ...

But that's not what I'm going to write about. When I returned home for lunch on Monday, my wife's newest bestest friend was here, delivering ... lemon bars. 

And not just any lemon bars, but vegan lemon bars. I was concerned, for a moment, but it all passed with just once sniff.

There was obviously a high level of lemon in these bars, though I have to admit the top level looked more gelatinous than any other lemon bar I'd seen of late. (Surprising, really, since there would be no gelatin in a vegan lemon bar.)

The taste was heavenly. A citric assault on the senses. The crust was crusty, a crunchy under-layer of support rarely experienced. 

I ate two. If we are blessed with them again, I will not share.

Some Menus Remain the Same

Friday is the untouchable menu: fried chicken or meat loaf, mashed potatoes, turnip greens. Very nearly the perfect meal and, thankfully, the wise folks at the FC recognized this and left the Friday options alone. Ate with Hume, discussed vacations and dog kennels and the lack of air conditioning in Memorial Hall (which is a positive since lunch doesn't get cold quite so quickly).

A significant lack of Johnson, meaning no multimedia moments. Sorry, LATFC fans. We'll work on it.

New Menu

Here's my lunch for the day, the first in the new menu scheme:

Stuffed Pasta Shells

Mild ricotta cheese, some might say subtle, others might describe as lacking any hint of cheesiness. Bit tepid on the plate, but the pasta okay. Overall a passing grade, but the Kraft Mac & Cheese I made kids for lunch a couple of days ago tasted better.

Spinach

Good to have it back. Goes well with the pasta shells, a bit of green to dress up the plate and health-up the meal. I'm not a huge spinach fan but this worked.

Lemon Bars

Different -- slightly crunchy bottom, crumbly top. Nice texture, an improvement.
The Same -- an almost fanatical lack of lemonocity. Sweet, but flavorless, as if the creator once had a dream about a lemon and that's as close as the fruit ever came to the bar.

As an aside for you menu fans, the alternative for me was Crabby Cakes, but I just spent a week at the beach and ate lots of seafood, so passed.

New Menu!

As expected, the Faculty Center has changed their menu. And the first report says it is more than palatable. 

Handed out the course evaluations to my students and told them I'd be back in 30 minutes. Dashed across the street to find two other regulars staring at the menu board. I snuck by them, grabbed a tray and sidled up to the stainless. I ordered a sausage and peppers over rice dish, grabbed a little cherry cobbler and hit the checkout line.

One advantage to new menus and new people - she couldn't find the button for my meal, so she rang it up as two side dishes and I saved about a buck. (Which I would normally point out, but remember the help had issues making the right breakfast sandwich a few weeks ago and then overcharging, so I figured it balanced that out nicely.)

Sausage had just a little spice to it, the peppers were just about perfectly soggy. Rice was rice, hard to screw up unless you're being sabotaged on Top Chef or something. 

Sat with Willett, who allegedly retired last semester but is teaching a Maymester course, as well as a class for the art school in the fall on the history of graphic design. (I suggested that would be easy - first there were pencils, then there were Macs. He said he'd enroll me in the class as I needed some help in the area ...) I suspect his "retirement" was just a ploy to get some free cake.

He is a smart man.

LATFC for Dummies

As a new crop of faculty join us this Fall, these eager newbies must be initiated into the fine dining experience of LATFC. To save time and trouble and stomach ills, we instead must offer a single resource that sums up what they need to know about The Faculty Center.

Yes, a whole chapter must be devoted to the Zen of Lem(on). We need other chapter possibilities, and then we'll accompany it with a CD of the theme song. So much to do, so little time ...

Analyze This

Checking the stats for our page, we find someone Googled "where do lemon bars come from" and ended up here.

To whomever that was, here's our response: Not from lemons.

BREAKFAST at the Faculty Center

We mentioned the expanded Maymester hours before for our beloved eatery. This morning, running a little late in getting the kids to school for their last day, I didn't squeeze in my usual bowl of cereal.

I am one of those people who must eat breakfast. My wife, she is not. I do not understand her somedays.

Also, I have a small cold or allergy and really wanted to pop a few ibuprofen to help with a sore throat but know I need something to prevent it from eating away at my stomach lining.

(Aren't you glad you're reading this? On a food blog?)

So, events conspired to bring me to the Faculty Center for breakfast. Upon entering, I saw they had a wide array of standard breakfast fare. Half a million ways to fill a biscuit, it seemed. I also saw at least seven employees sitting at a table ... with not a customer in sight.

I grabbed a tray and sidled up to the stainless to order an egg, cheese and bacon biscuit. But they had no eggs. They did give me three slices of bacon, though. The shredded hash browns were well covered, so I couldn't see what they looked like, but I ordered them anyways. How do you screw up hash browns? And, really, of all the industrialized foods out there, potatoes are one of the few that hold up well and sometimes are a little better prepared en masse.

Towards the register I headed, grabbed a juice and began the ... long ... slow ... incorrect ... process ... of ... being ... rung ... up ... I was charged extra for the bacon, but no deduction was made for the lack of egg. And, of course, the $0.13 worth of OJ runs you somewhere north of $1.50.

I chose a table away from our standard location. New meal, new locale.

The biscuit, while nicely flaky, was really undersized. The mound of bacon was overwhelming. And the "cheese," which may have been not-cheese, was cold. And not melting.

I forked into the "hash browns," which were really a light-duty home fry. It was ... well ... excellent. The cubed potatoes had been boiled to the point of nearly disintegrating, which is key. They had then been quickly tossed in a hot pan with a little oil and then liberally - like New England Democratically liberally - covered in pepper.

Still, I wonder where the eggs had gone to by 8:10 a.m. ...

Theme Song

Every major insitution deserves a theme song. And thus the question is posed: What is the perfect theme song for the Faculty Center?

Post early, post often. Post musically.

Guest Post: "Grilled" Ham & Cheese

When it comes to the Faculty Center, you'll always live long enough to eat your own words. This guest post comes courtesy of Jarek Beem, newly minted Grady grad.

Guest Post
Upon special invitation from Dr. Russell, I dined at the faculty center today. As a student for the past four years, I never had the (dis)pleasure of dining at such a... forlorn... establishment. First impression -- the decor bears a striking resemblance to a Golden Girls set. Second impression -- the food's appearance could easily push me one step closer to anorexia.

Not wanting to cause too much damage to my intestinal tract, I took Russell's advice and ordered the grilled ham and cheese. In her words, "You can't go wrong with grilled cheese." Well, Dr. Russell, yes, you can.

I should have known from the sandwich attendant's deep sigh and puzzled looks, that perhaps I had made a mistake. Or maybe I should have known when she asked if I wanted my sandwich toasted. Um, yes, it is grilled cheese.

And the moral of this story? You can go wrong with grilled cheese at the faculty center, especially when the cheese isn't melted.

Lunch, Elsewhere

End-of-year book club gathering on the lake to discuss our final read of the year, Witch Hunt. Sandwiches and beer and a boat ride and more beer and then coffee and then done, all in all about eight hours on the lake on a lovely day. Cookies for dessert. No lemon bars seen.

The Same Stuff

A new day: the Bulldog Room is closed, the Faculty Center opened, so the assumption by Johnson and I was for Bulldog food in the Center. Can you say chicken burrito?

Nope.

Same meals. They could have at least changed the menu names. Country-fried steak could have been city-fried, mashed potatoes could have been squashed potatoes, and carrots could have been, um, carrots.

In fairness, you can now have breakfast at The Faculty Center -- an experience to be reported on later this week.

It had to happen sometime

Yes, it's true: we hate pretty much everything (hat tip: @jarekbeem).

"Your opportunity to taste test our food samples"

News alert: Campus Services is holding the 2008 Campus Services Fair at East Village Commons on Wed., May 14, from 2 to 4 p.m. Food Services is one of the many hosts, along with other fan favorites like Parking Services and Campus Mail.

Intercession campus transit service and complimentary intercession parking at the East Campus Parking Deck are available.

You must have a ticket to attend. I have one that I am willing to scalp. The ticket also qualifies you for a raffle for several premium items from the UGA Bookstore. E-mail or tweet me your bid. However, if Kaye Sweetser comes back from Bahrain for this event, I'll let her have it free of charge.

Final Observations

Last day at the Faculty Center for lunch ... sigh ...

• Hume commented that it was her last veggie sandwich for a while
• Russell noted that Johnson still does not have tenure
• Hollander sighed in a Steven Wright-esque way and said, "I have no sexual off-color remarks. I have a slight cold."
• Johnson wondered whether the routine had become routine

Several schemes were discussed on ways to raise the authority of this blog, including hacking another person's blog who is about to become incredibly famous by being on the Today Show on Wednesday.

Lemon bars were discussed in quiet conversation, as was the possibility that if they'd turn down the air conditioner they could afford more olive oil for the rosemary potatoes.

Shivering, we all departed for a while.

Lemon Bar Meets Lemon

While Hollander may have thought, and Russell may have wished, that we were done with lemon bar reporting for the semester, Friday brought one last opportunity to explore and expound upon lemonocity.

And so, an experiment - to bring the lemon bar into contact with a real lemon ...




So perhaps my final lemon bar review: For all its lemon intentions, and even with the addition of actual lemon juice, Friday's bar fell short because of its lack of bar-ness. It was more gelatinous than bar-like, with a consistency similar to over-thickened lemon-like pudding.

A sad way to wrap up a season of lemon bar.

LADeP (Lunch at DePalma's)

A couple of "real" journalism people invited me to lunch downtown, so we met up at DePalma's Thursday. They chose an exterior table, which was fine excepting for the noise. Nice day to be outdoors.

Conversation wandered around the curriculum status of Grady (both are alums), future plans for growth and their needs in their current positions of power.

I ordered an Italiano Panini with a side salad. The sandwich was filling, if a little plain and dry. I added the included tomato and lettuce leaf to the second half of the panini, but it didn't improve things much. For the salad dressing (just lettuce and one quartered tomato), I went for the jalapeño-citrus vinaigrette. A little bit of warmth from the peppers, but nowhere near enough citrus. 

Maybe if they crumbled a lemon bar on it ... 

Last of the Lemon

Thursday is lemon bar day. Okay, so Friday is lemon bar day too, but only for leftovers. On this the last Thursday of the 07-08 academic year, I had the final lemon bar and closed my eyes, letting the Zen of the moment progress.

Today's bar: high in lemonocity, low in taste and texture.

Yes, lemon bar fans, I suspect the Powers of Lemon read this blog and added a dash of lemonocity to their recipe. The result was less than satisfying. Cloying is a better word. Disappointing, while still lemony.

Hume and I had lunch, Hollifield showed up later, making it a 3-H gathering. We got to talking about department cultures. "What culture is your department?" she asked.

"The culture of a strip mall," I said.

And thus ends the semester...

LATGC (vs. LATFC)

Today I enjoyed a delicious luncheon repast of vegetable lasagna (slightly overcooked, but vastly better than Sicilian casserole), green salad (fresh), roll (soft), carrots (cooked yet still tasted like carrots), and chocolate cake (calorie-free) at the Georgia Center. Not only that, but someone else paid for it.

Johnson tried to heckle me via Twitter, but I rose above it.

The Zen of Lem(on)

What is Zen? According to that source of all wisdom, Wikipedia:

It emphasizes dharma practice and experiental wisdom—particularly as realized in the form of meditation known as zazen—in the attainment of awakening. As such, it de-emphasizes both theoretical knowledge and the study of religious texts in favor of direct individual assessment of one's own experience.

So waste not your time on lemon religious texts. Seek not scripture to understand the nuances of lemoness. Only direct individual assessment of one's own experience will lead to true wisdom.

In other words, taste the lemon bar.

Thus, this week's lemon bar was the essence of lemonicity, for even a clean palate strained to find the slightest hint of lemon in its sugary goodness. Of course it's there, but one must be worthy to discover that trace, that citrus awakening. Pehaps a real lemon passed nearby when the lemon bar was created. Perhaps the lemon bar, in a previous life, was the third cousin to a lemon (twice removed). Or maybe the lemon bars are merely downwind of that big jar full of lemons found near the ice tea.

Who can say? That is the Zen of Lem(on).

Even the folks at Wiki know this. For in defining lemon, they note: "The exact origin of the lemon has remained a mystery..."

'nuff said.

Secrets

The secret to lemon bar happiness is the absence of lemonyness leading up to it.

An LATFC Checklist, Part 1

Inspired by Dr. Hugh Martin's stirring descriptions of reviving ice-bound Europeans and crashing American test planes, the staff has compiled an LATFC checklist:

Collect colleagues
Avoid bus on Hooper St.
Check menu
Order anyway
Collect tray and accoutrements
Count number of FC staff (if few, do not order pasta or sandwich)
Proceed through line
Debate with self over dessert; surrender to the lemon
Assure clerk that you are indeed having a good day
Pay, unless your initials are JH, in which case you can force a colleague to pay
Assess seating situation (availability of Prof. Fink, number seats needed)
Proceed to eat

Coming soon: An LATFC Checklist, Part 2: Kaye Sweetser Demonstrates Item #12

Lemony Pause

A leftover video from last week, getting better at the speed-up ...

She Did It!

Regular commenter Sweetser actually ate at the Faculty Center. With no permanent, debilitating effects ...

We aim to please

A puppy and kitten picture for Kristen. Don't worry, Johnson, it's CC licensed.

News Flash!!

Fink labels Russell a Bolshevik, Johnson labels her a Communist and Russell labels herself a Feminist.

Hume finishes her salad in a normal time span and Hollander makes no untoward comments that anyone can recall. Acosta-Alzuru tries to carry on a normal, academic conversation about recent visits to the college, but is distracted by Fink's queries on the five most important news photos of all time and the ethics behind them. 

Acosta-Alzuru retaliates by describing Russell's daughter's face-making abilities during a banquet the night before. 

Chaos ensues, and no one notices Johnson is on his third salad of the week and that he bypassed the lemon bars for Sun Chips, which leave a wonderfully French oniony breath that lingers even now. 

Oh, the humanity!

And while the photo of the dirigible doesn't make the top five, Earth Rise, Street Side Execution, the Napalmed Girl and Tomoko's Bath do.

Free verse

The [conversation] was rancid.
I vomited
then left.

--Anonymous

Hollander is No Poet

(This post has been removed on advice of legal counsel.)

By way of introduction

Certain non-professional ("hack") bloggers fail to explain anything in their posts. Allow me to correct that.

Soon-to-be Grady faculty member Kristen Smith pointed out to LATFC staff bloggers that April is national poetry month. She challenged us to write a haiku in celebration of the poetry that is the Faculty Center. Hence, Hollander's hack poetry.

Today, we go beyond the initial challenge to include a limerick that celebrates our adoration for both the Faculty Center and our most prolific commenter.

There once was a faculty member

Who left LSU in September

She starved half to death

& had meatloaf on her breath

From eating lunch at the Faculty Center.

A Lunch Haiku

The chicken supreme
just a lump of white on rice,
tomorrow's problem.

Lunch, and Pain

"I like a little bit of pain." Was Wendy speaking of:

• her meat loaf for lunch?
• our attempts to craft the perfect LATFC haiku?
• watching Hume hobble back to the office after lunch?
• some video of her on YouTube?

Coming soon: limmericks, haiku, and free verse, all devoted to the place we love to eat.

Triple threat

Grady Associate Dean Alison Alexander has informed the LATFC staff that this blog stands an excellent chance of winning not only a Pulitzer Prize for public service but also a Peabody Award. It would be the first time that anyone won the awards in the same year and for the same content. (It is entirely coincidental that Grady hosts the Peabodies.)

In addition, Associate Professor and Hero Supporter Janice Hume believes the blog could win an award, but she forgot the name and thinks it might start with a B. Odd, considering it's a major award in her field. Must be the lack of whole grain in the FC whole-grain pasta.

Feel free to nominate LATFC for any other major awards, especially those with cash prizes. It would go a long way toward meeting our monetization goals.

From A Distance

Okay, it was only 15 feet ... watched as Hollander, Hume and Hollifield ate at another table. Which sounds more accusatory than it needs to be, because I was there first eating with David Noah.

He reported the Chicken Supreme over rice is his favorite meal of the week. I'll have to ponder what mine is, but I don't think it's the Sicilian Casserole. It's serviceable, but not extraordinary. Meatloaf, perhaps the pepper steak. I'll have to think on this.

Live update

Hollander has made an inappropriate comment. Russell has noted Johnson
doesn't have tenure. Sweetser has been called a hater. And Hume hasn't
finished her salad. We must be about done.

Sent from my iPhone

Paper Lunch

Home for lunch again on Friday, trying to catch up on paperwork. Carried it to the kitchen table and carefully ate with one hand while shuffling through stuff with the other. Very exciting. 

Okay, not exciting, but different. It may be time to take LATFC on the road ... if w get a nice day and maybe we should walk up the hill to see Walter Washington and his LaFonda Dogs ...

Two Lunches in One Post !

Thursday

Dr. A joins us for a delicious lunch. I think we need a blog posting in the form of a telenovela. Hunky dumb guy. Beautiful but twisted girl. The woman who is truly evil. Carolina can arch her eyebrow perfectly, so she gets the role of her choice. I'm sure there are a bunch of characters I'm missing, mainly because I don't speak a word of Spanish.

I had the required lemon bar. You taste lemon on the first bite, I've discovered, but not after. I suppose the bar's lemonness is only in contrast to a complete lack of lemonness before that first bite. Also on the scene were Hume, Russell, and Fink, none of whom had lemon bars, thus they cannot speak to lemonness.

Friday

Hollifield, Hume, Hollander, and Fink (who must now change his name to Hink if he's gonna eat with the H's.). Meat loaf good but not as good as I hoped. Greens bland, even after pepper vinegar. Mashed potatoes professionally mashed and lumpless.

Much discussion of pets, including the dietary and excretory habits of Hollifield's dog. Certain jealousy of said animal concerning duck for dinner, or even kangaroo.

More (semi) Free Lunches

Was only in the office briefly today, so lunch was at home. A simple Muenster and tavern ham sandwich with a little Cheez-Its Mix on the side. While eating I watched the end of some Titanic piece I've seen before on the History channel. 

It reminded me of being at a theater on a Friday night a decade ago, working with a great reporter on a story about people going to see the Titanic movie over and over. We were talking with one girl who admitted this would be her seventeenth (!!!!!!!) time seeing the movie. The reporter, in a moment of brilliance, paused, looked up and said, "You know the ship will still sink, right?"

Every frame after that was a little out of focus ... the sandwich was good, not really assembled lovingly, but quickly, very quickly. Note to self and Mir: we're almost out of mustard.

Free lunches at the Faculty Center

Exciting news: this morning the UGA Faculty Center announced a new policy whereby the winner of the Tate Society Young Professor of the Year can eat free at the Faculty Center every day for a year.

In an amazing coincidence, Grady's own Dr. Kaye Sweetser is this year's winner. See you at the Faculty Center, Dr. Sweetser!!

Lunch at Home

Ate at home today. Scraped together an English muffin, some old sandwich meat, a slice of cheese, some lettuce, and called it a meal. I was judging a magazine web site contest and wanted to get that done before coming to the office.

Got them all judged. Just have to type up my comments. Examples include:

• Maybe you should update your site more than twice a year.
• Is the site supposed to be cluttered, or were you going for that effect?
• Tell your bloggers to post more than once every two months.
• Those hundred links in a line are impressive. Categorize them. Help the user!!!

I'm such a sweet guy. It's comments like these that ensure you never get asked twice to judge a contest.

A restrained turkey club

After much anticipation, today I not only got to eat at the Faculty Center, I was invited to blog about it.

I was positively aquiver with anticipation.

As it turned out, the turkey club was unremarkable and therefore nearly unbloggable. I am still buzzing from the cherry cobbler three hours later, though. (Suuuuuuugar!) Furthermore, no comments were made about Johnson's lack of tenure other than to note the lack of comments about his lack of tenure; Hollander made only one off-color implication (not even enough to be called a comment); Russell proclaimed the potato soup "pretty good" and extolled the virtues of mixed-breed dogs (not at the same time); Sweetser contributed her "I can't believe you guys eat there" comment via Twitter approximately an hour before the meal.

I'd just told Hollander's students not to write for others for free unless it's a cause you really believe in, so... ummm... you guys owe me $10 for this post. (What's that? You paid for my lunch and validated my parking and I should shut up? Sheesh.)

Chicken .... elsewhere

Spent Friday grading at the Barnes & Noble and had coffee and a chicken sandwich there for lunch. Not bad at all, though a bit pricey. Herbed fancy bread, some sauce. Decent coffee. Good magazine to read.

That means I missed Friday at the faculty center and its best meal of the week: meat loaf (seen at right, pre-meal, lifted shamelessly from wikiland).

Waiting to see what Johnson does with all those receipts...

Also, there is a chance we may have a guest Monday, if she sticks around after guest lecturing in my morning class.

Third Person Tweeting

Things we learned:

• Hollander does not Twitter, but several believe someone should tweet for him. (Ghost tweeting?)
  
• Hume is ready to sing camp songs.
  
• Russell gets annoyed when Johnson steals her tenure line.
  
• Someone will, eventually, do a study on the contents of this blog for which they will not get doctoral credit.
  
• Also, lemon bars may have included lemon. Or at least been stored near lemons. Or lemon fruit pies. 
  

12:21

Russell declares us tiresome and departs

We follow

Sent from my iPhone

Now

It's crowded ...

Sent from my iPhone

There they are

Hume, Russell and Hollander just arrived. Will delay dessert a few
moments.

Sent from my iPhone

Well

Where is everyone? Just Fink and me. And he just left ....

Mark E. Johnson
mej@mejphoto.com
http://www.mejphoto.com

Sent from my iPhone

En route

But late ...

Mark E. Johnson
mej@mejphoto.com
http://www.mejphoto.com

Sent from my iPhone

Georgian Chicken

So, is it called Georgian Chicken because

• of the way the bird is prepared, or
• the bird came from a farm in Georgia

If we didn't already have a poll going, I'd do one. At the table were Fink, Hume, Russell, and myself. Johnson missing in action, or inaction. Roasted potatoes a bit tough. Limas did not scream while eaten, or leap from the fork. Rather dull for limas, I thought.

Lots of discussion of dead people, of people talking to dead people, but very little about whether dead people post to their own online obits. Now that's research I'd read.

Multimedia at the Faculty Center

Well, our plan didn't go off exactly right, but we did manage to live-Twitter parts of the discussion. Still working out the kinks in the system ...

On the walk a back, we recommended Hume chair the curriculum review committee and/or
the search committee that will hire someone to chair the curriculum review committee. Johnson suggested, Hollander concurred, that applications should only be accepted via Twitter, thereby enforcing brevity via its 140 character limit.

Did the turkey club to be different, tomato was a little scary but the turkey was good.

live ... But we cannot get to the text field

"I think we should all have to wear bibs"

The lunch meeting was called to order at approximately 11:37 a.m. In attendance: Hollander, Hume, Johnson and Russell (Fink at another table; the dean came in late and sat with someone else).

Committee reports: Russell reiterated that Johnson does not have tenure. Hollander failed to make any notable off-color remarks.

Old business: No votes were taken. However, a recap of Johnson's last LATFC video included discussion of Hollifield's eating habits and her remarks about "governor shopping."

New business: Several important questions were raised. First, what are the monetization possibilities for LATFC.blogspot.com? Second, it has been reported that the dean and department chairs discussed this blog at a meeting. Are they readers, or was it all just hearsay? Third, is the real purpose of this blog just to annoy Sweetser? Finally, why did it take Hume so damn long to eat her salad? IT WAS NOT EVEN VERY BIG. All issues were tabled until further research can be conducted. The possibility of a grant was tossed around.

Announcements: Hollander declared that all people who enter the Faculty Center should have to wear a bib. Discussion led to a conclusion that it should be designed like a lei, with Hawaiian music and a ceremony at the front door.

Point of order: if Hollander eats all vegetables because it's Lent, does it necessarily follow that Johnson has to eat only non-vegetable food products?

The meeting was adjourned.

Three Minutes of Your Life You'll Never Get Back

Why? Because we can ...




At least the opening minute is kind of neat ...

Moving Conversation

Had a very lively meal - the Sicilian Casserole kept leaping off my fork, very odd. Discussion ran the gamut of AEJMC deadlines, curriculum reviews and Hume's imminent appointment as search chair for a visual faculty member.

Blackberry cobbler was a nice finish.

Astroturfing In Action

You read about it here a while ago, but now we're actively working on it. We spotted both magnets and bumper stickers today at The Eatery, so now we can spread the word about the wholesome goodness that is our lunching establishment.

Or, at least about the people who run the place we like to eat at. Okay, maybe "like to eat at" is a little strong ... frequently frequent?

Hollander's MEAN to puppies

How can anybody hate poodles? Or part poodles?

(Johnson -- You knew I'd find a way to post a dog picture.)

A Lunch at the Faculty Center first.

Today, Barry Hollander offers LATFC's first podcast.

All Quiet on the Southern Front

Not much going on today, not many people around campus so The Eatery is doing a little recruiting ...

Astroturfing

Learn something new every single day around here. 

We learned that Russell is manipulating the poll - every time she finds a new computer, she votes again for Sweetser. In the PR world this is astroturfing - a fake grassroots uprising. 

Go figure.

Happy Feet

Check out Johnson's latest contribution to the social media sphere.

Better Late Than Never, Right?

I have been delinquent since Monday's poll. (And who the heck is voting for Sweetser?!? It must be all those future PR kids ...)

Tuesday I had stuff to mail, so after searching for the new/hidden entrance to the post office, I hit the Bulldog Cafe for a chicken burrito. Different, and had about the right amount of jalapeño peppers on it. Maybe a few more would have been better. Chicken flavor was rather ... absent.

4-day-old Arby's sandwich

For lunch today I dined at home: an Arby's sandwich and fries that had been in the refrigerator since Saturday evening (long story, neither funny nor informative, so I'm not repeating it).

In comparison to Faculty Center sandwiches, it was warmer, the bread was fresher, and the cheese appeared to be actual cheese. I'm not sayin'.

I'm just sayin'.

New Poll!!

Over to the right there's something new on your Lunch at the Faculty Center blog - a POLL! We have a pair of photos below, let us know which is the better image.

(No, there's no real point to this poll. Or to this entry. Or, heck, even to this blog.)

Entry 1: The Hume Sandwich


Entry 2: The Johnson Platter



As they say in Boston, Vote Often, Vote Early!!

The melancholy pasta

Where oh where are my colleagues? Must I face the Faculty Center alone? Eating whole grain pasta (that probably isn't*) is sad enough without the cloud of melancholy that comes from dining solo. Marinara sauce with chopped bell peppers helped a little, but what a gloomy end to the week. I could only imagine the witty conversation, the literary allusion, the professional pessimism that usually brightens my noon hour.

Until we meet again...


*OK, does anyone really believe that pasta is actually whole grain? It doesn't taste like any REAL whole grain pasta I've ever had. I call for an investigation.

Different Company, Different Conversation

Ate with Fink and Middleton, conversation was reminiscent of lunching with Greenman - far more intellectual, yet still entertaining.

Fink told tales of his AP past (a prelude to his talk with AP's Michael Giarrusso). Middleton and I nodded and laughed at appropriate moments.

Pepper steak is still not peppery enough, squash and tomatoes was almost all tomato juice. I need to order better. 

Post-lunch conversation with Sweetser leads me to believe we need another rule - Sweetser must comment, daily, "I can't believe you guys eat there."

Turkey

Ate a turkey reuben today, the first time I'd had one at The Eatery in a long time. Tasted turkey-like, with undertones of thousand island dressing, bread toasted a lovely shade of brown, just the right amount of sourkraut to give it that wang. All in all, quite good. Hume and I alone, grabbing a quick meal before a department thingy.

And to keep Karen Russell happy, the turkey was boneless. In fact, I think the turkeys are raised boneless -- just a quivering blob of turkeyness waiting for harvest. In Russell's perfect world, all meat is raised boneless. Jello meat.

A Magic Trick

A magic trick done with Chicken Supreme.
Since I can't figure out how to load it to blogger, go here.

A blog post about nothing

After miscelleneous discussion by Russell, Johnson and Hollander about children, science experiments, and tae-kwon do (said conversation driving Conrad from the table), Hollander revealed that he thinks a spotlight should shine upon him every time he walks through Southeast Clarke Park.

Hume is gonna be sorry she missed that one.

That, and the menu options of turkey with stuffing or country-fried steak. Unlike the children in Johnson's story, no one threw up.

Veggie Tales

I finally tried the veggie sandwhich today. Lots of crunch, maybe too much onion, coulda used more hummus, but overall not a bad thing to eat on a Lenten Friday. Could've been worse. Could've been humus on the bread instead of hummus.

Ate with Hume1, Russell, and pseudo-soon-to-be-but-not-quite-yet-telecom-department-head Hollifield. Fun topics included nursing homes, 50th birthdays, students who don't read their assignments, and the end of the human race.

Okay, I made the last one up, but it fits the rest of the list.

Johnson not present. Absence noted -- two more and he loses a letter grade.

1 Hume paid for her own lunch

Shameless plug

Check out that Bateman team:

Safe Kids Web site

YouTube videos

Hugh Martin: In a Pickle

In order to save money (surely not because he doesn't like the food), Dr. Hugh J. Martin packs a brownbag lunch several days a week. Just to be friendly, he decided to join a group of us at the Faculty Center today. Little did he know that he would end up paying for someone else's lunch.

It seems Dr. Hume could not afford the 99-cent stewed tomato over rice meal she ordered. (She attempts to mitigate this travesty by pointing out that she did provide 6 of the 7 cents tax.) Out of the sheer kindness of his heart, Dr. Martin fronted her the $1 she needed. Watching her try to count out pennies and nickels as the line formed behind her was just more than he could take.

On the bright side, since I don't eat pickles and not one but two-and-a-quarter were served with my grilled cheese sandwich, he was able to get a free pickle out of the deal.

Still, I predict it will be a cold day in hell before he follows Dr. Hume in line for lunch at the Faculty Center again.

An Odd Collection of Notes and Notables

What a strange lunch ... two new guests did not know we blog about lunch, while another regular mocked the usefulness of blogging ... sheesh ... 

Russell discussed, at not enough length, her disgust for chicken bones on a plate. Also that she will only eat filet because it has - you guessed it - no bones. (If I thought that would work at home, I would try it. My guess is I'd be told to eat more calamari ...)

I was warned, again, that the turkey tetrazini had set off another colleague's heart attack last year. Though it's commonly believed it was her dining companion more than the meal itself. 

And while we tried to maintain our habit of low conversation, discussion of what was blogable and what was not blogable turned into a ridiculously erudite conversation about literary authors and their editors. 

I blame Greenman for trying to raise the conversational bar. Bringing up Elmore Leonard, really, was that appropriate?

Georgian Chicken vs Chicken Supreme

Which chicken rules? Let the battle between Georgian Chicken (GC) and Chicken Supreme (CS) begin.

• One has Georgia in the name, but it's hard to beat Supreme (either as a godlike power or as group of three backup singers). Advantage CS
• Baked with decent seasoning (GC) versus cooked in some mysterious fashion and then poured over rice (CS). Advantage GC.
• GC is on Tuesday's menu. CS is offered on Wednesdays. Since I don't teach Tuesdays, Advantage GC.
• Looks like something you might want to eat (GC) versus something your kid erupted after suddenly getting the stomach flu (CS). Advantage GC
• Hot sauce easily added for additional flavor. Advantage CS

And the winner is ... Georgian Chicken!!!

Babies

Lunched today alone at The Eatery, sitting in the back reading the NYTimes and enjoying a plate of Georgian chicken, roasted potatoes, and baby lima beans.

In the old days, limas were allowed to grow to maturity and lead full lives on the open range. A little-known PETA video reveals how it's done today, the ripping of baby limas from their mothers. I'd post the video here but its contents are too disturbing. Plus it doesn't exist.

The food industry is full of such horrors. Baby back ribs, for example. Don't even try to picture how they get these. Some companies are smart. Early peas they call them, a euphemism for peas stripped out of their pods at a tender young age and dropped into boiling water, then squeezed into an uncomfortable can until someone buys them at Kroger.

My baby limas, by the way, were excellent.

No, I Don't Want to Eat Elsewhere ...

... but I was wondering if the LaFonda Dogs are still being sold up on Jackson Street. I need to shoot a quickie human interest piece, figured that might work.

Lunch with Hollander mostly (who, in Russell's absence, reminded me I am not tenured), Fink was there, briefly, with one of our visiting professionals. Talk ran to tornadoes and Mythbusters, of course.

Turkey with dressing (which was, as far as I could tell, a liquefied piece of corn bread) and carrots. Should have gone with the Country Fried Steak.

Pepper Steak and Peppery Conversation

Arrived late to fund Russell and Hollander already done, but with nothing to do they continued to converse as I ate. We talked about all the Finksters and how we could mess with their papers. Best suggestion: tell them all the comics need to be moved to A1. Dilbert for the business news, Doonsbury for the political coverage. 

Noted Hume's absence. Insinuated that she , or that if she were to  a lot of problems would disappear. Then Hollander brought up . We all laughed, somewhat uncomfortably.

Pepper steak needed more pepper.

Follow the Script!

There are rules when eating at the Faculty Center:

• Russell must remind Johnson that he doesn't have tenure.
• Hume must point out her "lovingly prepared" veggie sandwich
• Hollander must at some point make an off-color remark
• Johnson then points out we all followed the same script as before
• Rinse and repeat, as needed.

The Dawg Dish

In this world, there are people who have to eat food that we might consider fit for only a dog. Then there are people who to try to eat the Dawg Dish at the Faculty Center for lunch.

A little perspective never hurts.

Well, that was a cheery conversation ...

Lunch with Hollander and Fink. After a weekend of eating poorly, I ordered up the country fried steak, mashed potatoes and green beans. A nice melding of flavors. Meaning each kind of tasted like the other ...

Then we talked about dying newspapers. How the AP is coming back to the way it was years ago. And how newspapers were dying.

Maybe we looped back to that last thing two or twelve times ...

Lunch, Not Alone

Mocking others is a hobby of ours. Harassing them, too, if you were to hear all of the conversation.

And what's with Karen always pointing out that I'm the only one who's not tenured? Should I be nervous?

Beans & Rice

Ash Wednesday, no meat. Dog dish instead.

woof woof

The only thing missing is a time lapse video of me eating red beans and rice.

Lunch, Alone

Thick-cut turkey and Muenster on soft whole wheat with a little Duke's. I never thought whole wheat was overly hard, really, but okay. Some sourdough nuggets and, after the camera was turned off, an apple. (I just don't think eating an apple is visually appealing.)

Shot with the built-in camera on my iMac, time-lapsed in iMovie 06 (08 doesn't do that, why, Apple, why?).

Meat Loaf, but No Greens

In a rare, bold move ... I skipped the greens today. I cooked homemade greens last night for me and the kids (Edith at a meeting). Mine are much better than The Eatery's.

Yes, my kids eat greens. And asparagus, and shrimp stew, and boiled crabs, and broccoli, and a lot of other stuff. All it takes is patience and effort to create good eaters -- that and not taking them to the Faculty Center for lunch.

Across the street ...

Didn't make it to the The Eatery, headed over to the Bulldog Café with Biddle. Veggie pizza, with some nice banana peppers on it - a little zing to get through the midday lull. 

Conversation centered on whether students are "technologically savvy" or "technologically proficient." Decided on neither, blamed the teach-to-the-test mess that our colleagues in the public and private schools have to deal with.

Then sighed heavily and talked about anamorphic lenses ...

*sigh*

My schedule is rough this semester, Monday and Wednesday I'm not clear until just past noon and Tuesdays - Tuesdays - I teach right through lunch.

And my boss keeps skedding meetings for Thursdays ...

Which leaves me eating lunch at my desk, something I really shouldn't do. But muenster and BBQ chicken on wheat isn't bad, and the accompanying apple was nicely tart. A rarity in Georgia.

On Chicken

"We didn't starve, but we didn't eat chicken unless we were sick, or the chicken was."

- Bernard Malamud (1914-1986)

So What the Hell is "Country Fried Steak"?

Other than my lunch today, what's up with the name? According to Diana Rattray''s (unfortunate name alert when writing about food) article at About.com:

Chicken-fried or country-fried steak is usually made with round steak, tenderized then dipped in an egg and milk mixture, then dredged in seasoned flour or bread crumbs. The coated steak is then fried in hot fat until the coating is crispy and browned, much like fried chicken. A milk gravy is often made to be served with the steak, along with mashed potatoes.

Yes, I had the mashed potatoes, with carrots on the side. Ate with Johnson, discussed whether the department should host its own news site. Fink there for a short while and then went off to teach. Go figure.

BTW, the country fried steak wasn't bad at all. Then again, anything fried in hot fat is good.

The Best Day

Meatloaf, mashed taters, greens: easily the best meal of the week at The Faculty Center. Yeah, that doesn't raise the bar so very high, but still it's my favorite. Ate with Hume and Hollifield. Discussed bears and politics, though we didn't combine the two and consider the pros and cons of bears mauling politicians. Maybe another day.

No Lunch (at least at the Eatery)

Many of us in the department had free sandwiches (but no beer, even though I ordered one!) at a talk today. No Faculty Center food, nothing to blog.

The talk itself was interesting, on how Tennessee has set up an online news site and with an offer to give us their content management system. That'd be cool, though I know who in Hero Support would end up doing most of the work.

Casserole and Department Meetings

Want to make a plate of Sicilian casserole sit poorly on your stomach? It's simple -- just follow it with a department meeting. Blah followed by blaher. The good news is no more department meetings for a while. The bad news is there's always another department meeting out there, crouched in the weeds, ready to pounce.

Meetings are indispensable when you don't want to do anything.

-- John Kenneth Galbraith

Lima Lunch

Georgian chicken, lima beans, potatoes (maybe the best thing they do, those roasted potatoes). Ate lunch with Fink and Hume, wondered where the hell Johnson was. Drank water, wished it was beer.

Faculty Center - Not

Lunch Friday for me, downtown, a gyro and curley fries and Coke. I feel like I cheated on my wife, but then again I had lunch with my wife. She had a gyro too. That makes it okay. No cheating involved.

This is Saturday, so no lunch at the Faculty Center Eatery Place Thing. I may have to fry some pork chops.

The Remains of the Meal

Lunch Looks Best in 640 x 480

Had pepper steak over rice, fried okra, lemon bars. Learned that Hollifield and Hume have no plans to dance together this weekend. Johnson shot video from his Flip that can be seen above, an information-rich expose on menus, food being served, and a number of people at a table staring at their plates and wondering if, perhaps, they maybe should have gone elsewhere.

Lunch at the Faculty Center no doubt looks best in 640 x 480. Definitely not ready for High Def television.

They Want Our Opinion!

Really, they do - via an online survey specifically about our faculty dining hall.

Of Chili and Pecan Pie

Thanks to a late lab on Wednesday, lunch alone in the back -- with the NYTimes. Bowl of Chili and slice of pecan pie and loads of news about the Michigan Republican primary. The pie was better than the primary. The chili was lukewarm in taste and heat, not unlike Fred Thompson's GOP candidacy.

January 15, 2008

Meal: Sicilian casserole, Parmesan zucchini and blackberry cobbler.

Good company, conversations over past, present and future colleagues.