LATGC (vs. LATFC)

Today I enjoyed a delicious luncheon repast of vegetable lasagna (slightly overcooked, but vastly better than Sicilian casserole), green salad (fresh), roll (soft), carrots (cooked yet still tasted like carrots), and chocolate cake (calorie-free) at the Georgia Center. Not only that, but someone else paid for it.

Johnson tried to heckle me via Twitter, but I rose above it.

The Zen of Lem(on)

What is Zen? According to that source of all wisdom, Wikipedia:

It emphasizes dharma practice and experiental wisdom—particularly as realized in the form of meditation known as zazen—in the attainment of awakening. As such, it de-emphasizes both theoretical knowledge and the study of religious texts in favor of direct individual assessment of one's own experience.

So waste not your time on lemon religious texts. Seek not scripture to understand the nuances of lemoness. Only direct individual assessment of one's own experience will lead to true wisdom.

In other words, taste the lemon bar.

Thus, this week's lemon bar was the essence of lemonicity, for even a clean palate strained to find the slightest hint of lemon in its sugary goodness. Of course it's there, but one must be worthy to discover that trace, that citrus awakening. Pehaps a real lemon passed nearby when the lemon bar was created. Perhaps the lemon bar, in a previous life, was the third cousin to a lemon (twice removed). Or maybe the lemon bars are merely downwind of that big jar full of lemons found near the ice tea.

Who can say? That is the Zen of Lem(on).

Even the folks at Wiki know this. For in defining lemon, they note: "The exact origin of the lemon has remained a mystery..."

'nuff said.

Secrets

The secret to lemon bar happiness is the absence of lemonyness leading up to it.

An LATFC Checklist, Part 1

Inspired by Dr. Hugh Martin's stirring descriptions of reviving ice-bound Europeans and crashing American test planes, the staff has compiled an LATFC checklist:

Collect colleagues
Avoid bus on Hooper St.
Check menu
Order anyway
Collect tray and accoutrements
Count number of FC staff (if few, do not order pasta or sandwich)
Proceed through line
Debate with self over dessert; surrender to the lemon
Assure clerk that you are indeed having a good day
Pay, unless your initials are JH, in which case you can force a colleague to pay
Assess seating situation (availability of Prof. Fink, number seats needed)
Proceed to eat

Coming soon: An LATFC Checklist, Part 2: Kaye Sweetser Demonstrates Item #12

Lemony Pause

A leftover video from last week, getting better at the speed-up ...

She Did It!

Regular commenter Sweetser actually ate at the Faculty Center. With no permanent, debilitating effects ...

We aim to please

A puppy and kitten picture for Kristen. Don't worry, Johnson, it's CC licensed.

News Flash!!

Fink labels Russell a Bolshevik, Johnson labels her a Communist and Russell labels herself a Feminist.

Hume finishes her salad in a normal time span and Hollander makes no untoward comments that anyone can recall. Acosta-Alzuru tries to carry on a normal, academic conversation about recent visits to the college, but is distracted by Fink's queries on the five most important news photos of all time and the ethics behind them. 

Acosta-Alzuru retaliates by describing Russell's daughter's face-making abilities during a banquet the night before. 

Chaos ensues, and no one notices Johnson is on his third salad of the week and that he bypassed the lemon bars for Sun Chips, which leave a wonderfully French oniony breath that lingers even now. 

Oh, the humanity!

And while the photo of the dirigible doesn't make the top five, Earth Rise, Street Side Execution, the Napalmed Girl and Tomoko's Bath do.

Free verse

The [conversation] was rancid.
I vomited
then left.

--Anonymous

Hollander is No Poet

(This post has been removed on advice of legal counsel.)

By way of introduction

Certain non-professional ("hack") bloggers fail to explain anything in their posts. Allow me to correct that.

Soon-to-be Grady faculty member Kristen Smith pointed out to LATFC staff bloggers that April is national poetry month. She challenged us to write a haiku in celebration of the poetry that is the Faculty Center. Hence, Hollander's hack poetry.

Today, we go beyond the initial challenge to include a limerick that celebrates our adoration for both the Faculty Center and our most prolific commenter.

There once was a faculty member

Who left LSU in September

She starved half to death

& had meatloaf on her breath

From eating lunch at the Faculty Center.

A Lunch Haiku

The chicken supreme
just a lump of white on rice,
tomorrow's problem.

Lunch, and Pain

"I like a little bit of pain." Was Wendy speaking of:

• her meat loaf for lunch?
• our attempts to craft the perfect LATFC haiku?
• watching Hume hobble back to the office after lunch?
• some video of her on YouTube?

Coming soon: limmericks, haiku, and free verse, all devoted to the place we love to eat.

Triple threat

Grady Associate Dean Alison Alexander has informed the LATFC staff that this blog stands an excellent chance of winning not only a Pulitzer Prize for public service but also a Peabody Award. It would be the first time that anyone won the awards in the same year and for the same content. (It is entirely coincidental that Grady hosts the Peabodies.)

In addition, Associate Professor and Hero Supporter Janice Hume believes the blog could win an award, but she forgot the name and thinks it might start with a B. Odd, considering it's a major award in her field. Must be the lack of whole grain in the FC whole-grain pasta.

Feel free to nominate LATFC for any other major awards, especially those with cash prizes. It would go a long way toward meeting our monetization goals.

From A Distance

Okay, it was only 15 feet ... watched as Hollander, Hume and Hollifield ate at another table. Which sounds more accusatory than it needs to be, because I was there first eating with David Noah.

He reported the Chicken Supreme over rice is his favorite meal of the week. I'll have to ponder what mine is, but I don't think it's the Sicilian Casserole. It's serviceable, but not extraordinary. Meatloaf, perhaps the pepper steak. I'll have to think on this.

Live update

Hollander has made an inappropriate comment. Russell has noted Johnson
doesn't have tenure. Sweetser has been called a hater. And Hume hasn't
finished her salad. We must be about done.

Sent from my iPhone

Paper Lunch

Home for lunch again on Friday, trying to catch up on paperwork. Carried it to the kitchen table and carefully ate with one hand while shuffling through stuff with the other. Very exciting. 

Okay, not exciting, but different. It may be time to take LATFC on the road ... if w get a nice day and maybe we should walk up the hill to see Walter Washington and his LaFonda Dogs ...

Two Lunches in One Post !

Thursday

Dr. A joins us for a delicious lunch. I think we need a blog posting in the form of a telenovela. Hunky dumb guy. Beautiful but twisted girl. The woman who is truly evil. Carolina can arch her eyebrow perfectly, so she gets the role of her choice. I'm sure there are a bunch of characters I'm missing, mainly because I don't speak a word of Spanish.

I had the required lemon bar. You taste lemon on the first bite, I've discovered, but not after. I suppose the bar's lemonness is only in contrast to a complete lack of lemonness before that first bite. Also on the scene were Hume, Russell, and Fink, none of whom had lemon bars, thus they cannot speak to lemonness.

Friday

Hollifield, Hume, Hollander, and Fink (who must now change his name to Hink if he's gonna eat with the H's.). Meat loaf good but not as good as I hoped. Greens bland, even after pepper vinegar. Mashed potatoes professionally mashed and lumpless.

Much discussion of pets, including the dietary and excretory habits of Hollifield's dog. Certain jealousy of said animal concerning duck for dinner, or even kangaroo.

More (semi) Free Lunches

Was only in the office briefly today, so lunch was at home. A simple Muenster and tavern ham sandwich with a little Cheez-Its Mix on the side. While eating I watched the end of some Titanic piece I've seen before on the History channel. 

It reminded me of being at a theater on a Friday night a decade ago, working with a great reporter on a story about people going to see the Titanic movie over and over. We were talking with one girl who admitted this would be her seventeenth (!!!!!!!) time seeing the movie. The reporter, in a moment of brilliance, paused, looked up and said, "You know the ship will still sink, right?"

Every frame after that was a little out of focus ... the sandwich was good, not really assembled lovingly, but quickly, very quickly. Note to self and Mir: we're almost out of mustard.

Free lunches at the Faculty Center

Exciting news: this morning the UGA Faculty Center announced a new policy whereby the winner of the Tate Society Young Professor of the Year can eat free at the Faculty Center every day for a year.

In an amazing coincidence, Grady's own Dr. Kaye Sweetser is this year's winner. See you at the Faculty Center, Dr. Sweetser!!

Lunch at Home

Ate at home today. Scraped together an English muffin, some old sandwich meat, a slice of cheese, some lettuce, and called it a meal. I was judging a magazine web site contest and wanted to get that done before coming to the office.

Got them all judged. Just have to type up my comments. Examples include:

• Maybe you should update your site more than twice a year.
• Is the site supposed to be cluttered, or were you going for that effect?
• Tell your bloggers to post more than once every two months.
• Those hundred links in a line are impressive. Categorize them. Help the user!!!

I'm such a sweet guy. It's comments like these that ensure you never get asked twice to judge a contest.