LATFC for Dummies

As a new crop of faculty join us this Fall, these eager newbies must be initiated into the fine dining experience of LATFC. To save time and trouble and stomach ills, we instead must offer a single resource that sums up what they need to know about The Faculty Center.

Yes, a whole chapter must be devoted to the Zen of Lem(on). We need other chapter possibilities, and then we'll accompany it with a CD of the theme song. So much to do, so little time ...

Analyze This

Checking the stats for our page, we find someone Googled "where do lemon bars come from" and ended up here.

To whomever that was, here's our response: Not from lemons.

BREAKFAST at the Faculty Center

We mentioned the expanded Maymester hours before for our beloved eatery. This morning, running a little late in getting the kids to school for their last day, I didn't squeeze in my usual bowl of cereal.

I am one of those people who must eat breakfast. My wife, she is not. I do not understand her somedays.

Also, I have a small cold or allergy and really wanted to pop a few ibuprofen to help with a sore throat but know I need something to prevent it from eating away at my stomach lining.

(Aren't you glad you're reading this? On a food blog?)

So, events conspired to bring me to the Faculty Center for breakfast. Upon entering, I saw they had a wide array of standard breakfast fare. Half a million ways to fill a biscuit, it seemed. I also saw at least seven employees sitting at a table ... with not a customer in sight.

I grabbed a tray and sidled up to the stainless to order an egg, cheese and bacon biscuit. But they had no eggs. They did give me three slices of bacon, though. The shredded hash browns were well covered, so I couldn't see what they looked like, but I ordered them anyways. How do you screw up hash browns? And, really, of all the industrialized foods out there, potatoes are one of the few that hold up well and sometimes are a little better prepared en masse.

Towards the register I headed, grabbed a juice and began the ... long ... slow ... incorrect ... process ... of ... being ... rung ... up ... I was charged extra for the bacon, but no deduction was made for the lack of egg. And, of course, the $0.13 worth of OJ runs you somewhere north of $1.50.

I chose a table away from our standard location. New meal, new locale.

The biscuit, while nicely flaky, was really undersized. The mound of bacon was overwhelming. And the "cheese," which may have been not-cheese, was cold. And not melting.

I forked into the "hash browns," which were really a light-duty home fry. It was ... well ... excellent. The cubed potatoes had been boiled to the point of nearly disintegrating, which is key. They had then been quickly tossed in a hot pan with a little oil and then liberally - like New England Democratically liberally - covered in pepper.

Still, I wonder where the eggs had gone to by 8:10 a.m. ...

Theme Song

Every major insitution deserves a theme song. And thus the question is posed: What is the perfect theme song for the Faculty Center?

Post early, post often. Post musically.

Guest Post: "Grilled" Ham & Cheese

When it comes to the Faculty Center, you'll always live long enough to eat your own words. This guest post comes courtesy of Jarek Beem, newly minted Grady grad.

Guest Post
Upon special invitation from Dr. Russell, I dined at the faculty center today. As a student for the past four years, I never had the (dis)pleasure of dining at such a... forlorn... establishment. First impression -- the decor bears a striking resemblance to a Golden Girls set. Second impression -- the food's appearance could easily push me one step closer to anorexia.

Not wanting to cause too much damage to my intestinal tract, I took Russell's advice and ordered the grilled ham and cheese. In her words, "You can't go wrong with grilled cheese." Well, Dr. Russell, yes, you can.

I should have known from the sandwich attendant's deep sigh and puzzled looks, that perhaps I had made a mistake. Or maybe I should have known when she asked if I wanted my sandwich toasted. Um, yes, it is grilled cheese.

And the moral of this story? You can go wrong with grilled cheese at the faculty center, especially when the cheese isn't melted.

Lunch, Elsewhere

End-of-year book club gathering on the lake to discuss our final read of the year, Witch Hunt. Sandwiches and beer and a boat ride and more beer and then coffee and then done, all in all about eight hours on the lake on a lovely day. Cookies for dessert. No lemon bars seen.

The Same Stuff

A new day: the Bulldog Room is closed, the Faculty Center opened, so the assumption by Johnson and I was for Bulldog food in the Center. Can you say chicken burrito?

Nope.

Same meals. They could have at least changed the menu names. Country-fried steak could have been city-fried, mashed potatoes could have been squashed potatoes, and carrots could have been, um, carrots.

In fairness, you can now have breakfast at The Faculty Center -- an experience to be reported on later this week.

It had to happen sometime

Yes, it's true: we hate pretty much everything (hat tip: @jarekbeem).

"Your opportunity to taste test our food samples"

News alert: Campus Services is holding the 2008 Campus Services Fair at East Village Commons on Wed., May 14, from 2 to 4 p.m. Food Services is one of the many hosts, along with other fan favorites like Parking Services and Campus Mail.

Intercession campus transit service and complimentary intercession parking at the East Campus Parking Deck are available.

You must have a ticket to attend. I have one that I am willing to scalp. The ticket also qualifies you for a raffle for several premium items from the UGA Bookstore. E-mail or tweet me your bid. However, if Kaye Sweetser comes back from Bahrain for this event, I'll let her have it free of charge.

Final Observations

Last day at the Faculty Center for lunch ... sigh ...

• Hume commented that it was her last veggie sandwich for a while
• Russell noted that Johnson still does not have tenure
• Hollander sighed in a Steven Wright-esque way and said, "I have no sexual off-color remarks. I have a slight cold."
• Johnson wondered whether the routine had become routine

Several schemes were discussed on ways to raise the authority of this blog, including hacking another person's blog who is about to become incredibly famous by being on the Today Show on Wednesday.

Lemon bars were discussed in quiet conversation, as was the possibility that if they'd turn down the air conditioner they could afford more olive oil for the rosemary potatoes.

Shivering, we all departed for a while.

Lemon Bar Meets Lemon

While Hollander may have thought, and Russell may have wished, that we were done with lemon bar reporting for the semester, Friday brought one last opportunity to explore and expound upon lemonocity.

And so, an experiment - to bring the lemon bar into contact with a real lemon ...




So perhaps my final lemon bar review: For all its lemon intentions, and even with the addition of actual lemon juice, Friday's bar fell short because of its lack of bar-ness. It was more gelatinous than bar-like, with a consistency similar to over-thickened lemon-like pudding.

A sad way to wrap up a season of lemon bar.

LADeP (Lunch at DePalma's)

A couple of "real" journalism people invited me to lunch downtown, so we met up at DePalma's Thursday. They chose an exterior table, which was fine excepting for the noise. Nice day to be outdoors.

Conversation wandered around the curriculum status of Grady (both are alums), future plans for growth and their needs in their current positions of power.

I ordered an Italiano Panini with a side salad. The sandwich was filling, if a little plain and dry. I added the included tomato and lettuce leaf to the second half of the panini, but it didn't improve things much. For the salad dressing (just lettuce and one quartered tomato), I went for the jalapeño-citrus vinaigrette. A little bit of warmth from the peppers, but nowhere near enough citrus. 

Maybe if they crumbled a lemon bar on it ... 

Last of the Lemon

Thursday is lemon bar day. Okay, so Friday is lemon bar day too, but only for leftovers. On this the last Thursday of the 07-08 academic year, I had the final lemon bar and closed my eyes, letting the Zen of the moment progress.

Today's bar: high in lemonocity, low in taste and texture.

Yes, lemon bar fans, I suspect the Powers of Lemon read this blog and added a dash of lemonocity to their recipe. The result was less than satisfying. Cloying is a better word. Disappointing, while still lemony.

Hume and I had lunch, Hollifield showed up later, making it a 3-H gathering. We got to talking about department cultures. "What culture is your department?" she asked.

"The culture of a strip mall," I said.

And thus ends the semester...